Mearls (mearls ) wrote,

The Kobold Victory Chart

(Inspired by last night's 4e session.)

Kobolds are poor, abused, misused, maltreated, underdogs. The poor little sods are so beaten down that their language lacks a word for victory. The closest they have roughly translates into Common as, "The lack of understanding and realization that we're really, really going to lose again."

(Kobold is much like German in that it takes massive, complex concepts and squishes them down to one word. That's because kobolds, with their ridiculously short lifespans, believe in saying a lot with few words.)

If a kobold does manage to drop an adventurer, an intense (though invariably brief) celebration is in order. Roll a d20 and consult the following chart:

1 - 10. No effect.
The kobold lacks the imagination to do anything interesting. It might chitter or giggle, but it really doesn't know what to do when it defeats something.

11. Kill things, take their stuff!
The kobold picks an item off the fallen adventurer as its trophy. It spends a minor action next round dancing in celebration before running off.

12. Ask not what the tribe can do for you...
The kobold spends a round standing on the fallen adventurer's body, delivering a victory speech. All kobolds heal 5 hit points.

13. I attribute my success solely to good fortune.
The kobold immediately hides in its victim's backpack or under his unconscious/dead form.

14. Whoah. Srsly?!?
The kobold is stunned for one round, shocked by its own success.

15. Who's yer daddy?!?
The kobold marches off to challenge the tribe's chief to a duel for supremacy.

16. C'mon guys, we can do this thing!
The kobold lets out an inspiring whoop that grants all kobolds +1 on attacks for the rest of the fight.

17. Who's next?!?
The kobold gains an action point.

18. I worry this will only anger them.
The kobold drops its weapon and runs away. It comes back to the fight in 1d4 rounds.

19. I'm the Quidditch Hat Rack*!
The kobold taps into the true nature of its draconic heritage. In time, he will grow to become a messiah amongst his people, a herald of a new race of draconic kobolds who shall rule the world. Unless, of course, the surviving adventurers squash him. In any case, he can now breath fire, blast 3, 1d8 + his level in fire damage.
*When I saw the movie version of Dune, before I read the novel, I thought this was what Paul called himself. I think it sounds like a neat title for a kobold messiah.

20. WHO'S A MINION NOW MOTHERF****R?!?!
The kobold becomes blessed by Kurtulmak. He becomes size Large, gains 16 hit points and gets +2 on attacks, damage, and defenses.
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